Halu-Halo

Head in the clouds... (a photoblog)

...when words just aren't enough...

My feet are now firmly back on the ground after a whirlwind of family time. :)

I hope you have a great week! See you as the dust settles...

 

As the luck of this non-Irish would have it:

1. I'm late in posting a celebratory St. Paddy's day photo. But what the heck, it's my blog.

So, Happy St. Patrick's Day!  

But I have a good excuse!

2. I've only started to walk well today. And lift my arms. And think straight, because my brain is a muscle too, no? And since every muscle in my body was in agony until this morning, from my race this weekend (on St. Patrick's day!), I can say that today I am functioning and coherent.

It was a wonderful run through DC, and I ran my tushie off.  

I mean, I really felt like I didn't have a tushie when I woke up Sunday morning. Unfortunately, I realized this morning that it's still here :(  . I guess that means I have to run some more.

The race was a celebration of the training my cousin and I have been doing since November. She is a much faster runner than me, and it helped me immensely. It's also a bonus that she's a personal trainer. I get my training for free - ha! Lucky for me, I get beat up every weekend. 

This may be my next challenge.

3. But I've had things to keep my busy! Preparing my query (yes! Query Hell has begun!), is one; attempting to break from my manuscript to clear my mind before I attack it again is another. And this:

*insert mischievious giggle*  Oh yes, my friends...my library holds came in and I am happily inundated with such lovelies to read. My imagination runs amuck with books. (Maybe I should let it run my next half- marathon for me. No?)

So, ya'll know where I'll be this week: at home! (Stretching, reading, stretching, revising query and cursing, stretching, and crumpling paper and throwing query at the computer screen. And stretching.)

I hope you have a great weekend!

Happy Tuesday!

To raise and to Trust

I've cried twice in the last week.

And it isn't because I haven't caught up with laundry from last week's illnesses, or that the bags suitcases under my eyes aren't miraculously disappearing as promised by the uber-expensive cream I purchased last month. It isn't even because I just found out that my Big Three  are scheduled to have soccer practices at the same exact time, but in three different locations this season.

Those are small potatoes-tater tots really.

...

Last week, my first child turn eleven.

And he's such a good kid, even if my neurosis ran on overtime when he was first born. G has been my partner in this mothering journey; and he has become such a patient child as I grow with him as his parent. He's had the toughest job; I've tried everything on him first. And yet, he is cheerful and understanding, with such thriving optimism. 

I cried the night before his birthday, when I thought of how much I've had to Trust this entire experience, at each step of the way. In people, in God, and in G himself. 

The second time I cried was actually this afternoon, as I held this in my hand.

It's the 3rd revision of the manuscript I started last November, during NaNoWriMo. And it's getting better, not quite the Full Of Suck that it was as a first draft. This one is my child too, and she is growing up. And I love her so much that I've decided that she will be the first novel I will try to share with the world. 

But in order for me to do that, I have to let her go too; to Trust: in my critique partners and beta readers, that they are honest and hard, in the keeping of my own voice in every sentence that's on paper, and in my dream, despite the obstacles I know I will have to overcome.

I go to bed tonight tired but content, but not before slathering twice as much eye cream in hopes I seem somewhat rested tomorrow. 

I hope you all have a great week! Thank you for being here, to listen, throughout all of these milestones! 

Party On.

I like holidays. Whether they are real or made up, religious or otherwise.

Bring it, let's party.

And why not? There are many not so good things going on in the world. I don't waste my breath going against something that promotes good will among people. I don't even think twice.

Let's break out the chocolate and share it. Cut out an extra heart to give to a friend. Plan a phone call to someone I haven't spoken to in a while. 

These dates on the calender - they're just reminders. We all know that, right? Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Halloween - each carries its own traditions that you could do at any time during the year, but we try to celebrate them on the day that at one time a group of people had agreed upon.  Each of these celebrations are highly commercialized, don't even get me started on the fiasco called Black Friday after the gratitude of Thanksgiving!

But poor Valentine's Day, the black sheep of all holidays, gets such a bad rap.  Why is that? 

Here's what I'm teaching my kids: We're celebrating it all. We should celebrate it all, because it's all good. I'm going to try to show them that it's all about how you celebrate it. Anyone can go overboard, and we are all guilty of being materialistic on certain holidays.  Heck, I bet some of us can even attest of being materialistic on a normal day. *ducks and cover*

Why blame the holiday? 

My family had its financial struggles growing up in this country when we emigrated in the 80's. Somehow, we still managed to party. Every Valentine's Day, my mother had a big red heart cut out from construction paper on our place setting for breakfast. On it, she wrote, "I love you. Happy Valentine's Day." 

She could have done it any day of the year. But it was Valentine's Day, and in her mind, there was nothing wrong with adding a little extra sugar to an already sweet day. All for a price of a piece of paper.

My lesson from that, which I hope I can pass on to my kids is this: Save your battles for the stuff that really makes the world a bad place to live in. Otherwise, party on. 

Today, I received my flowers from Hubby with great gratitude, and I cherished the handmade cards my kids gave me. In return, I promised to give them as many enormous and humble celebrations in life that I can.

Have a lovely night everyone!

 

 

 

Radical in 2012

Hi Friends,

I wasn't sure how I was going to begin this post...it's been churning in my head for days.  I think I'm the last blogger to wish the world a Happy 2012, but the pressure of the first post weighed on my shoulders.  Would I give a recap of my year, the projects I was able to accomplish, the works in progress yet to be completed?  Or would I list my resolutions for the year, with a heartfelt hope that I would be sucessful?  Or maybe post a series of pictures of the highlights of 2011?  

It all didn't seem right for me, for this post to look back.  Well before the year ended, I actually felt that I was coming over a crest, feeling the freedom of seeing what's on the other side.  It was like what I rememebered about running up Stanyan - it was almost better just to keep going until I reached the plateau of an intersection, rather than stop in the middle of the climb to see how far I had gone.

You're probably wondering what in the heck I have accomplished in the last year, with all of this talk about running up an insanely steep hill in San Francisco. Alas, my resume won't show much more than it did from January of last year, except for an extra few miles I logged in, and a few more words I was finally able to get on paper.  But my insides, the real stuff that makes "me", has come through what I call the Fog of 2011.

It has much to do with getting adjusted and readjusted.  The rearranging of the physical priorities within what the family needs, the tweaking of personal priorities in the categories of 'dream' and 'reality', and finally finding that there is a bridge that connects these two things.  It was toting the line in between expectation and radical and then deciding to throw that one foot on the other side and opening my eyes and saying, Wow, why didn't I do that earlier?  

I know!  There she goes with her mumbo jumbo again.  This is why I held back a couple of days to post.  The words are all here, on the tips of my fingers, I am typing as fast as I can so that I don't filter so much of what I mean.

What is all this about?

It's about everything.  Perspective. Baby steps leading to gazelle-like movements. Process. Faith. Rolled up in one and then twisted and turned.  It's knowing myself.  And it's being more brave.  Not just chug-a-chuging up that hill, but really using those legs and my (well-fed) ass to haul myself over, knowing I will be fully out of breath up there.  

No, you won't be seeing me running 8 minute miles, I'm perfectly happy at my 11:30's.  I won't be knocking out a quilt a month, though I'll still be making some very loved items.  And I guarantee that the crazy moments will come, and sometimes I will cry and complain, this is life after all.   This is not about stats, or counting those notches above my bed (which I don't have, lest you think...).  

It's about finding my groove, and 2012 is going to witness it.

I hope the first 4 days of your year has been eventful in some way, even in your quietest moments.  Celebrate it with me.  

 

Peeking out from behind this computer screen

My habit is to hide out a bit right after Christmas: To rest my body, to reflect on the past year, and to recapture what brings me joy.  I revisit my 3 R's before the New Year so that when the clock strikes 00:00:01, I am ready for it. For despite the fact that our lives can change at any second, 1 January brings about so much potential, doesn't it?  So why not take it and go with the momentum?

I have to admit though, that of the 3 R's, I'm still working on the first.  This Christmas was both our quietest and busiest.  We purposely kept it intimate and just us for the entire weekend, but it still was as messy and as loud and as chaotic as it would have been had we done our usual hosting.  I still cooked heaping amounts of food, our dishwasher still ran at least twice a day, and Hubby and I still went to bed those nights happy but undeniably exhausted.  

We both keep learning that our Big family is self-sustaining, and that there will never be a lack of company.  And while we laughed at how our days were filled without, really, much planned, we both grew that much more appreciative of the enormity of the space these children filled.  It's astounding, and humbling, really, how they are in all parts of this home.  And how, despite all of our antics and quirks as parents, they still come to us, in their happiness, frustration and sadness.  

And so, I am still tired, still barely getting out of house clothes, not flat-ironing my hair, but spending these quiet hours with each of my four.  All without thinking of when the next extra-curric activity will be, or when the next project is due.  The pace - it's good right now; my body needed it, my mind sought it, and thank goodness the kids are going with it.

I hope that you had a wonderful holiday, and that somehow in your plans you are recovering in your own way.  After all, the New Year is around the corner, and it will be time to party when it comes around to it!

Have a great night!

Thanksgiving recovery

Means rest, from the week of planning, the day of cooking, the evening of eating, the night of putting up Christmas decorations, and finally, the aftermath of all of the cleaning.

But it was an awesome holiday for our family.

It was intimate (although loud and noisy), simple (even though I made more 9 dishes in addition to the turkey), and easy (even if we had to bring Baby J in to see a doc for an ear infection).

 

I can never get enough of this holiday, when there is absolutely no expectation but to cook and eat.  And be together with loved ones.  When reflection is really encouraged.  For a busy family such as ours, I welcome all of these things with open arms.

But I do have to brag, folks...in the spirit of Handmade Holidays, I present my first handmade present of the season, finished this weekend.

(It's a stroller sized quilt, started almost 2 years ago! Done as an practice of improv, using only  my scraps, to include the white/cream fabrics. The back is pieced as well, but I already have wrapped it up to be sent the first week of December.)

It's been a work in progress for a long time, until I decided who it needed to belong to, and then it took another 6 months.  I KNOW! (I don't need to hear it, I need lessons in time management).  

I suppose that's also what a couple of days of no expectations can do to a woman, it encourages her to tie up at least once loose end.

I hope that you've had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!  And here's to officially welcoming the winter holiday season!

What I learned this Hallow's Eve

...since I'm on a list kick

1. I'm a horrible, terrible micromanager of our pumpkin carving activities.  I was reminded time and time again, "I can do it myself, mom." (with the emphasis on mom)

2. That mummy dogs are always a hit!  Sure they are loaded with sodium and gosh knows what else, but I never have to beg anyone to have to eat them.

3. That neither begging nor pleading, threatening or cajoling could convince my 18 month old to channel her inner ladybug.  And that I must have forgotten or purposely purged the memory of this phase of toddlerhood.

It must be a self protective measure of the human race to do so, I think, because I'm sure this scene was quite frightening to those without children.

Did I say nothing convinced her?  Bribing sure did - a bag of pretzels and a lollipop did the trick.

And the 4th thing I learned this Hallow's Eve is:

4.  The first place to look for a lost piece of candy (and said lollipop),

is on your toddler's clothing.

 

I hope your night has been fun!  We had a wonderful Halloween, but I earned my candy bar tonight!  Sweet dreams, friends!

I might as well have been clubbing

with the way that I feel today. My eyelids are heavy, my head is in a fog, and I'm a second away from falling asleep, for what seems like the 4th time today.  Thank goodness it is actually bedtime!  I don't think Baby J appreciated my inability to distinguish between day and night, with me today aimlessly holding her Little People while she babbled all around me.

I wish I could say that I was out all night partying, throwing back fruity drinks, and dancing my toes off.  Heck, I would have even felt better if I could say I was at book club, and accidentally had one too many glasses of wine.  No, my friends, I can't even say that I was watching one of the Real Housewives and knitting my night into oblivion.

Yesterday, I threw a cooking party for my little girl and her 9 little friends.  And survived.

 

It all seemed like such a great idea - to plan for them to make a three course lunch, THEN eat, THEN blow the candles, and THEN open presents.  I had visions of me fluttering gracefully, smiling and guiding their little hands as they spread the pizza sauce, and carefully cut their strawberries for their dessert.  

Instead, I was a sweaty mama piglet.  And three hours after the first little girl arrived, I was done.  I put my feet up, and I cradled the beer that I had opened before the party, and I took my third sip from it.  And then I ate a little bit of everything I had made for the other adults earlier in the afternoon.

It wasn't all bad, despite all of this whining I am doing.  Actually, it was one of the best parties I've thrown for my children.  All of the little girls that celebrated with us were all just lovely.  My family and the mommies that came along with these little girls graciously helped me organize dishes, label plates, manage the mess and corral the herd.  There was a lot of laughing in our kitchen. 

And my daughter was happy...so so happy.

But wow - what a hangover.  

My pillow calls....I hope you all had a great weekend!

 

 

 

Party animal

The true sign of big families is the almost never ending planning of birthday parties.  We now have six a year to think of! Wait, seven if you include our sweet boxer Sugar.  So, just when I think I can rest from party prep, it sneaks up and takes over my afternoons, my counter tops and my dining room table.

Don't misunderstand me though - I love parties...love to go to them, love to throw them, love to eat through them.  The gathering of people, the loud laughter, any excuse to get together - yes, absolutely, sign me up.

But everything takes time, no?  And I haven't had much of it, or more specifically, I haven't figured out the magic secret of finding time during the summer.  Before this week I had a list of everything I needed to do before R's birthday and I think I've cut it down to about a third.

Luckily, R is thrilled at whatever I have thus far.  I think she is like me, she looks forward to seeing her little friends and eating all of the cake more than the touches I covet in completing.

Thank goodness, because instead of making little cupcake toppers, I am chasing our phenomenal Baby J

 

...who, in this picture, might indicate that she will be a party animal soon herself...

Hope you guys have a great Thursday!