Halu-Halo

Seeing the forest for the trees

I consider September to be a "milestone month".  It signals the end of the lazy days of summer; it brings about the start of a new school year.  September reminds me to begin fall cleaning, to go through our closets and take stock of our winter clothing.  It is also my birthday month, and therefore the month-in-which-i-evaluate-my-life.  Who needs a mid life evaluation/crisis?  I do this yearly.

And I will admit that it's not an easy life to deconstruct (who's life is?).  Filipina-American, California raised Catholic, Army soldier turned nomadic spouse, ambitious nurse but even more passionate mom, Writer/Crafter...where and when does it all fit?   

Sometimes I feel like a child myself, still navigating through life with my children.  I have dreams that take me off my feet; my common sense guides my better judgement.

And then, God reminds me to see the forest for the trees.

 

I made this for a Sewing Mamas quilt swap.  R wanted a quilt that represented her and her boys, and I wanted to give her my wish of both dreams and stability.  I wanted to create a forest with 3 trees similar to one another.  I challenged myself and decided not to use rulers or my rotary cutter.  

I fussy cut all of the pieces, using only scraps and remnants, to include the binding.  I eyeballed the overall size of the quilt and was pleased that the sides were straight before I bound it.  (it is appx 16x20)

In my hopes to give R am improvisational quilt, I found a great deal of comfort in not knowing my next step.  I would start to make the blocks and put them aside and added to each daily, and I was amazed in how much I appreciated each strip of imperfect, unmatched or crumpled piece of fabric.  

Once the quilt top was done, I was amazed at how perfect it was.  How it looked exactly how I wanted it to be; it exuded my best wishes.

And as I was packing this sweet quilt up, I realized.  Reaching pinnacle is farce, and being a Master is overrated.  

However, tangibly, there is perseverance, fortitude, flexibility and resilience.  

Take that, 35 years.  

There's no turning back, now :)

The sterilite containers are out of the attic, and they are being filled by the day.  The kids climb on top of them, excited at all of the commotion, but I wonder how it will be once the movers are here in a couple of weeks, or when we start to repaint their room back to the stark white.  Mama's a little nervous this time 'round.  The babes are older, it's a whole different ballgame.

But I do remain positive, because I am so excited myself.  Moving has become so much of my life, that last year, at the 2 year anniversary of our move to this area, I started to yearn for this madness.  I wanted to start anew in a brand new space, and create new memories, and plant new roots.  I have accepted moving as part of our reality and I am excited by it.

A few weeks or so ago, the "goodbyes" started coming out of the mouths of my coworkers, and almost immediately, I found myself saying, "Please, I don't do sappy.", "Let's not say goodbye, let's say 'I'll see you later'" . 

My protection.

Well, last Saturday was my last day of work at the hospital.  I noticed quite a few people bringing in food, but this happens occasionally and didn't think to ask why.  I was called later to the conference room, and found a room full of my coworker-friends, and a table full of food. 

It was for me.  I was met with hugs, talk of memories, and wishes of good fortune.

Later, I cried in the bathroom.

Because while the future is bright, the past is never forgotten.

And there's no turning back from here...

Our shoes aren't trendy, but we're celebrating anyway.

Dear Patient,

Happy Monday,

Today is the start of my weekend, and I am so lucky because I have five days worth of it.  On Saturday and Sunday, I am in these shoes, wearing comfy PJ clothing, trekking off to the hospital before the sun rises, to greet you when you get up, medicines in hand, and a smile on my face.

I know these shoes aren't very trendy, but they sure stand up to the worst of treatment.  The scuffs are there because I've run into door frames and bed wheels while getting around your room, not to mention the countless times your IV pump's wheels have run my feet over.

I know I bother you often.  I seem to knock and come in at the oddest of times.  I come in too early to ask you a myriad of questions and then come back all too often just to ask you what your pain level is.  I caught that sigh when I asked you to turn on your lights so I can check your ID band against your baby's.

But I don't mind all of this, because I care about you.

You are, in fact, important to me.  When I enter your room and get to know you, I accept you into my life.  I allow myself to feel the same happiness and fears that you may have, and I relish in the moments when you start to physically feel better.  When you leave our hospital, and I hug you goodbye, I send you with my sincerest best wishes.

And while you may not remember my name, or my colleagues names for that matter, just know that it's alright.  We feel good about giving you the best of us for those small moments, and hope that somehow has helped you through your personal journey.

Sincerely,

Tif, your Nurse

*****Happy Nurses Week, especially to my best friends, who all happen to be nurses,*****

Nurses are a tad codependent...

I am not ashamed to admit.  I think it's a necessary trait for nurses to have, to remain compassionate throughout the personal, and intimate, and even those not so perfect moments.  They feel good giving, sometimes with nothing expected in return.  And they revel in silence in knowing that they have made a difference in even such a small way.  It is enough to give them the incentive to get back in the hospital and to face the struggling, the sick, or just the demands what caring for others entails.

I am proud to be a nurse and a tad codependent.  I work with other nurses who are just like me, some who have worked for decades but are still so softhearted towards their patients.  The smiles in the morning are still there...it is because they know that they are needed.

When I decided to take a break from nursing to raise the children, I secretly missed the generosity of patients.  There were those supermarket moments when we were in Germany, where couples would come up to hug me and thank me for helping them with their family.  Sometimes I would see former patients in the clinic and I would just smile to myself, knowing that I made a small impact in their life.  I was present and active for 4 of my friends' deliveries at the hospital, and there is nothing like seeing their pictures now and knowing that I was there intimately, from that first breath.

Since returning back to part time a year ago,  I feel like part of my life has been reawakened.  I look forward to the weekends with the challenge that I can be compassionate to a total stranger. 

Just recently, a friend gave birth to twins at my hospital and she was placed under my care for my shift.  A allowed for me to help her adjust her first few days breastfeeding and caring for her daughters; I felt that same feeling, of making that difference and that connection. 

When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours.  ~Author Unknown

I decided to make a quilt for the twins, using fabrics from my stash, and making it large enough for them to share as they grow into toddlerhood.  It's between the crib/twin size, showcasing a String Quilt motif.

That striped fabric is a Jane Sassaman that I had been keeping for a while.

To counter the obvious sharp edges, I decided to quilt in circles. 

I'm warning you not to look to closely :) .  The circles are NOT perfect...but I really didn't want them to be.  You are talking to, after all, probably the most distracted quilter you will ever meet.  My mind starts to wander when I quilt.

I think of the moment when....

the time that....

I wonder what happened to....

A look of the back.  Love that wrinkly effect.  The effort of making sure I filled in my spaces is well worth it.

I'm seeing the twins and their mama today.  I hope they like it.

Day Off = Day Trip, Knitting, Reading and Block Making

I had the great surprise of being "cancelled" this weekend...apparently the ward was slow enough that I didn't need to come in to work.  As much as I do love work, I don't ever say no to a surprise day off.  It's like having breakfast in bed, or an extra long shower...ya' take what ya' can get ;).

We stole away on a Day Trip, and took the kids to the Museum.  We love day trips in this family, and like most military families, we have put quite a bit of mileage traveling and moving in our cars.  In fact, I think we love just getting in the car to go driving.  It's a great excuse eat, play, and scream in the car...because folks, we do NOT have a DVD in our vehicle.  You can call me the stubborn one, still hanging on to the idea that the children can be entertained by the things we bring or the surroundings they pass.

I was knitting :)

I am almost done with Sugar's Coat.  It is still in the 30-40s here and I think she can get some good use out of it this winter and spring, and I am making it large enough for it to hopefully fit next winter. 

I've noticed that her coat (as in, her own) has gotten so thick and almost velvety.  She is a snuggler, so much so that she has to have at least a paw on my feet if she is laying nearby.

I also knocked out 3 more blocks in my efforts to learn the basics of piecing.   

Is a more efficient way to piece and press?  Must I have to get up to press each and every time, or do folks have table tops that enable them to transfer pieces from the machine to the pressing area to press.  I am envisioning a smaller iron, and a smaller portable ironing board.  I'm sure these things must exist, right?

Decision Corner

Mondays are my Saturdays.

And because Mondays are my Saturdays, I have insomnia Monday nights, like I should be catching up to watch a movie or a cup of coffee with a friend.  I drink coffee too late in the afternoon, and as a result I am writing too late in the night, just as I am now.

Such is a life of a Weekend RN Warrior - this is what I call myself.  I suit up on weekends, stethoscope in hand to greet newly birthed babies and recovering mamas.  I welcome the weekends because I get this wonderful change in my week.  I meet new people, and I get to talk all day long (awww - yeaaa), but by Sunday night I am exhausted.

Monday mornings I park myself in my Decision Corner for no less than an hour.  Hubby wakes me before he leaves for work and I wake myself up slowly with coffee and my planner in hand, and I reorient myself before the kids wake for school.   Sugar parks herself at my feet because she knows I will be there a while.

That planner - it is my life on paper.  Without it I would be lost.  And don't forget the pen. I buy profile pens because they are the. best. pens. on Earth.  I don't let anyone use them at work, and Hubby is not allowed to borrow them.

Hubby and I fight for this space.  We have two PCs but this corner is special somehow.  I feng shui'd the table it by putting a metal basket at the top left and put some coins in it for some financial luck.  We usually discuss the fate of our family in this area, if one of us is sitting on the chair, the other is on the floor playing with the dog, or in my case - knitting.

Hubby and I are crowding this space lately...we are a few months away from again transplanting our family.  We are researching and preparing for probably our biggest move yet, because our children are now old enough to realize the change.  This move will call for us to make good decisions because we will be leaving the first home we have purchased.  And the type A Virgo in me has bookmarked every school and real estate website.  Is it possible to know everything about a neighborhood before one ever gets to see it? 

I sure as heck will try.  :)